‘This’ by Susan Campbell, NIODA graduation speech 2018

   The poet Marie Howe wrote ‘This’ following the experience of caring for her brother before he died at age 28. It’s called ‘The Gate’. I had no idea that the gate I would step through to finally enter this world would be the space my brother’s body made, he was a little taller than me a young man but grown himself by then, done at 28, having folded every sheet and rinsed every glass he would ever rinse under the cold and running water. “This is what you’ve been waiting for” he used to say, and I’d say “What?” and he’d say “this” holding up my cheese and mustard sandwich and I’d say “what?” and he’d say “this” sort of looking around.

I’m sure this is an unexpected poem for  graduation speech, allow me to attempt to explain how my ponderings on this poem resonate with my experience of being a student at NIODA.

In the poem juxtaposed in the devastating scene of impending death is the honouring of ‘this’. ‘This’ is not listed on the Graduate attributes or profiled on NIODA’s website, yet I believe it is woven throughout or perhaps the bedrock upon which everything else rests. It is something that this course has embedded and growing in me. ‘This’ is the acknowledgment of the rich present moment authentic human experience. ‘This’ is the honouring of the now, noticing surroundings paying attention, real attention to the lived experience above and below the level of consciousness.

When my daughter is practicing piano I say to her “pay attention so you can learn” but my course has encouraged me to learn so I can pay attention. I have a hunch that knowing more about the ‘this’ and being attentive to the ‘this’ is what makes us more effective leaders and managers than we were three years ago.

“This is what you’ve been waiting” for he used to say to me and I’d say “what?” and he’d say this holding out my cheese and mustard sandwich and I’d say “what?” and he’d say “this” sort of looking around.

What we have been learning about, and being formed in, is delightfully ordinary. The context of our experiences and our learning is played out in the cheese and mustard sandwichness of the world of work. Of the places where we spend so many hours each week, of the offices and virtual meeting rooms and desks we commute to day after day after day, groups of people talking, listening, emailing, writing, penning plans, writing reports, proposing changes, creating, designing, problem-solving, achieving goals, getting stuff done. We’ve learnt about the ever-present timeless culture soaked dynamics of people, ordinary, common, familiar, yet our knowledge and experience is about the deep powerful complex dynamics of what occurs in groups. Envy, trust, collaboration, competition, task avoidance, collusion, dependence. The unconscious group dynamics that occur in a split second
and change the direction of an organisation, the tremor with butterfly wings, and the dynamics that can develop and grow slowly, a deep undercurrent gradually heaving and groaning silently influencing people’s behaviours actions and experiences, elephants in boardrooms.

“This is what you’ve been waiting for” he used to say to me and I’d say “what?”. Oh how many at times we have expressed ‘what’ over the last three years. ‘What’ was found in the confusion of small study group sessions, and in question marks scribbled in margins of complex readings. ‘What’ was communicated between us in eye contact at a Group Relations Conference, or in phone calls and late nights before essays were due. ‘What’ was exasperatingly murmured or shouted in our home offices as we wrestled with unfamiliar and complex ideas.’What’ was sighed as we left a consulting interview filled up with data wondering how we would ever untangle it and make sense of it all, but true to the ideals of an authentic educational experiences and in the passing of time and very hard work, the ‘whats?’ lost their frequency and their potency. Tight-fisted anxiety morphed into open-handed silence, enabling more confident and comfortable pondering and thought making. ‘What’ moved over and made room for other expressions, aaah ah huh I think I get it! I know, and I know that I know, and in knowing that I know, I know there are also alternative possibilities.

“This is what you’ve been waiting for” you used to say to me. ‘This’ is what I reckon our teachers were looking for and listening for in pre-enrolment interviews, a hint or a whiff of ‘knowing’. Intuition, a hungry desire to grow that part of us which feels when something’s not right or there’s something different or something more. Perhaps, unconsciously and deeply we’ve already known some of this stuff, as Bollas would say our ‘unthought known’. Awareness of what has always been there, yet has not been able to be thought about, and made sense of yet, what we have been waiting for in us. I anticipate, based on the evidence of the last three years that fleeting micro experiences will occur again and again.

That ‘this is what you’ve been waiting for’ moments will happen, maybe when we notice our somatic experiences during a conference and consider what they might mean, or if we facilitate a reflective time at the end of a meeting and we hold the silence, and hold it and hold it and hold it long enough for a sigh or a shift in the seat or a comment a vulnerability and honesty that changes the trajectory of the meeting, or will ask the seemingly left-field question during an interview that jolts and disturbs and leads to new awareness and information. We’ll listen for metaphors, we’ll keep crayons in our desk drawers, we’ll pay attention to our dreams, we’ll raise our eyes from squinting at an organisational problem, to standing back and seeing the broad view, the historical view, the political view, the gendered view, the cultural view, the whole system, and we’ll also lean in towards the problem we’ll look down at the black dark water surrounding it and with a combination of cautious wisdom, courage and humility, we’ll feel what’s below the surface, we’ll feel it with our eyes and our ears and our emotion and our intellect, we’ll draw on the theoretical understanding of all Bion and Benjamin, Hoggett and Hirschhorn, of Long, Newton, Nossal and Harding, and of my colleagues Olver, Grace, Lee and Pearce. Then we’ll revisit that problem with a new perspective raise what was hidden below the surface, allow for creativity and new solutions.

‘This is what we’ve been waiting for’. “This is what you’ve been waiting for” he used to say to me and I’d say “what?” and he’d say “this” sort of looking around.

My final comment is about the this ‘this’ out there on the streets of Melbourne an ordinary Tuesday night, but what’s happening in here? Extraordinary! Lets, my friends, hold this ‘this’. Let’s honour it, celebrate it, the investment, hours hard work, sacrifices, pain points, and the fun, the laughter, the joy of learning, the friendships, the opportunities. ‘This’ sort of looking around we see others who are here with us.

We won’t, but if we could, we could rip a corner off our certificates and give them to our partners Rowan, Jurgen, Tim, Monica and Christine, and another piece would be torn off and given to our kids and friends and colleagues and family members who have read our essays, looked after our children, cooked our meals, and had many many nights and weekends without us as we have studied. And a strip of it to our organisations who have supported us and given us much juicy data with which to reflect. And another portion, may be the bit with the logo, is owed to the board, committee members, admin staff and volunteers who provide all the scaffolding and supports for NIODA to exist. And a final strip, perhaps the largest, is for our teachers Claes, Wendy, Caroline, Susan and most particularly Brigid and Wendy who have carefully, thoughtfully, and expertly walked alongside us as we have learned, our sincere thanks.

This is what we’ve been waiting for.. ‘This’

‘This’ by Susan Campbell, NIODA graduation speech 2018

Would you like to read more? Check out this… Alumnus insights address to the graduands by Deb Martindale

Address to the NIODA Graduands from alumnus, Deb Martindale (RMIT Organisation Dynamics Masters Graduate 2009)

   What a great privilege it is to be here with you tonight. I feel very humble. Between you and our new mutual friends Bion, Trist, Chapman, Alderfer and the rest of the gang, I’m a lot more like you than I am like them!

I’d like you to imagine me here with a large pair of very obvious biggles-style aviator goggles. For this is what I drew in a self-portrait of myself at the very juncture that you find yourselves at, almost a decade ago.

In 2007 I wandered into John Newton’s office at RMIT to talk about studying organisation dynamics. He gave me what I would now say was an inappropriately low level of warning about the fact that in taking up this study, my whole perspective of the world was about to change. Naively, I was about to put on these big ‘ole goggles and wipe my eyes in disbelief, immerse myself in what I could see that I hadn’t seen before, sit in circles full of chairs and explore the thin air, marvel at the interplay and the insight that I could now grapple with, and then – oh no – discover that my new goggles were permanent!

Organisation dynamics indeed. I saw team conflict, project inertia, scapegoating, collaborative initiatives, global politics, community outrage or apathy, my family Christmas, and even the election of Donald Trump, differently. Through the rich syllabus that you have been learning, I too have learned, I have been changed, and I – you – cannot unlearn, cannot hit pause or pack this course away on the shelf, filed under ‘Masters completed, well done’. What a gift. We are so lucky to have experienced an education that is so much more than knowledge. It is, as the sticker on the box promises, experiential, unconscious, challenging and ultimately enlightening.

And so you may well be asking yourselves, what happens next?

I felt a bit awkward about my new goggles when I graduated. I certainly didn’t feel confident talking to the non-goggles wearers about what I could see. At that time I was an executive in the public sector, working with communities recovering from the 2009 Black Saturday bushfires, and working in what had become a sector being scrutinised through the lens of a Royal Commission. I have for some years since served as a consultant to the emergency management and other government and not-for-profit sectors.

I wonder if you, like me, wonder how you will keep your learning alive, share your knowledge with others, and integrate this way of thinking into your work? My message really, is that firstly, you absolutely can. And that secondly, your commitment and at times your courage to do so, will absolutely be worth it.

Of course you have different options before you:
1. Perhaps this study is a step towards a new career path specialising in socio-analysis and organisation dynamics.
2. Perhaps, like me, you hope and plan to integrate and apply your learning to your current organisation or sector.
3. Or perhaps this has been deeply personal and intellectual. About your own resilience and ability to think about the world that we live in. That too, is surely noble enough.

For me, I have gradually grown in confidence and aptitude to share my thinking and my insight, backed up when required by my learned colleagues (ahem) Freud and Hirschhorn and Berg. I have also found this way of thinking an incredibly powerful way to reflect, and to ever so gently influence and encourage my clients to reflect with me.

Generally, I find that people are curious, and willing to explore with me. My at times clumsy recall or interpretation of the literature is rarely refuted or shut down, and more often humoured until we can arrive at an analogy or example that makes more sense. And of course over time, I have found what works for me, as you will find what works for you. The craft of exceptional management and leadership is perpetual, and the best of your peers will want to learn with you.

Importantly, I personally draw comfort and strength being able to explore the complex dynamics I find myself in. Sometimes this is represented in my ability to anticipate what will occur, or what may be needed. At other times it is the patience and capacity to sit with the unknown, or to hold it for others. And at other times it is simply that I can fall back on clear principles around task, role, system and self, and enter the room with this on my side. Have faith that this is what you have ahead of you. You have invested in your way of thinking and your ability to interact with or help others, forever.

I shouldn’t imply that it has always been easy, or that I’ve entered into this work so confidently. “Oh hi client, I’m just reading through your proposed workshop agenda and I know you think you have a solid outline here, but actually it’s filled with irrational, paranoid- schizoid social defenses against what you actually need to discuss, and is perhaps a mirroring of the very problem you seek to address as an organisation.”

Clearly we have to pick our moments and be clever.

In Practice

I hope you won’t find it indulgent if I share a couple of real-life examples, big and small, of how this learning has enabled me to work differently, and I hope, to positively contribute to the world I live in. Let’s start with the bigger of the two.

As I mentioned, I work quite a bit with emergency service organisations who operate before, during and after emergencies. In fact, most of my work with these organisations is as a facilitator of inter-organisational initiatives. Strategies, workshops, formal reviews, the introduction of new programs. Inter-organisation dynamics are my favourite. I am just a minnow in a massive enterprise of literally hundreds of thousands of emergency service personnel. I can’t fight a fire or intervene in a crisis or assist you in a medical emergency, but I can help. I know that my expertise in planning for, sitting with, and responding to different dynamics is useful. I can identify and call out the difficult or uncomfortable dynamics of collaborating, sharing, feeling vulnerable in front of peers, feeling burdened by others. And I can see the unspoken impacts on the sector during difficult events and in an era of great change. I can make a difference to progress, and support sector leaders to have courage or confidence in advancing change. Ultimately, I play a small part in reducing your risk and improving your safety.

On a smaller scale, I’ve recently been reflecting with a colleague who experienced overt (and I should add illegal) discrimination in the workplace. Rather than simply see this as an inappropriate act by an individual or small group, we have been meeting to explore the system and dynamics that enabled or even inadvertently nurtured this scenario into life. It has been a deeply engaging discussion, and so practical. We have shared lots of ‘aha’ moments and ‘oh-no’s’ and even some laughs about the naivety of organisation policies, training courses and culture surveys. I know that my colleague has appreciated this opportunity and I am grateful for it too. Without the goggles, I would have simply shared her outrage and wondered what was happening in the world.

——–
And so, graduates of 2018, muster all the courage that you can to share the world as you now see it. To reflect, and to apply your learning in any aspect of your life.

Goodness knows we need a deeper, richer, more complex way of thinking and talking together in our society today. And we need people who can help others to have those conversations. I don’t want to overwhelm you, but it behoves me to say, that this could be you!

For now, celebrate your amazing achievement. My deepest congratulations to you for making sense of those many papers, of embracing the circles of chairs, of sticking with your education in the midst of busy lives, and for your mastery of thought and analysis. Although this evening marks the end of something significant, my hope that for you is that it is just the beginning.

Ms Deb Martindale
Alumnus, Organisation Dynamics
Founder SentientCo

December 2018